7 Weeks

Baby Forehand Update as of January 16, 2012:

- Here I am at 7 and a half weeks.

- My heart beats 153 times a minute.

I'm craving pickles, pineapple, apple juice, bagels with cream cheese, watermelon, and waffles. I've been having the typical  pregnancy symptoms but also having to unbutton my jeans every now and then because I am afraid of squishing the baby. Sleeping is difficult because of nausea and restlessness. 

Nausea and vomiting are insane!!! Taking Dramamine to make it through the day and Unisom at night. Doctor prescribed me Zofran for emergencies, but I have held off just because I'm afraid of side effects. Plenty of liquids and Vitamin B6. I have resorted to crystalized ginger. Yes, it is very gross and starts off kinda sweet and then just sends this zesty, fiery burn through my mouth. Thankfully, my husband found B-natal lollipops and a coworker shared some Preggie Drops.

I'm exhausted all the time and find it hard to stay awake around 2:30pm. My students are very sweet and ask lots of questions. They want to know the gender and the name. They want to have a say in the name. I have told them it will be a family name and when we know the name, we will share it. 

I have begun to have some anxiety about being so far from family and if I will be able to work or not. I always imagined raising a child in Georgia close to family and friends. Many of my friends back home are pregnant, and I miss going through this experience with them as well. 

I pray for a healthy baby. I just hope its neural tube closes and everything goes into the right place and that I have not harmed the baby in any way. 

Morning, Noon and Night Sickness

Since finding out I am pregnant, I have experienced so many wonderful things. The joys of planning nurseries and looking at baby clothes, thinking of all the wonderful moments I will experience and have my own family. I have heard women say they enjoyed being pregnant and how wonderful it is, so I assumed it was all pregnancy tests, cravings, maternity clothes and showers. I knew some "morning sickness" might come around, but I just assumed it was no big deal. I was wrong!!


The one thing I can say I have not enjoyed is being sick, very sick, morning, noon and night. The term "morning sickness" is so misleading because I was under the assumption I would have some nausea and light vomiting in the morning. Throw up once, be done and get on with my day. That it was this cute, right-of-way during pregnancy that reassured a woman that she indeed is pregnant. You see movies and Lifetime tv shows where the women wake up, run to the bathroom, throw up once, gently wipe their face with the back of their hand and then they're done. Nothing that would be horrendous and disgusting and last all day and night for weeks.

I was very mistaken in my impression of "morning sickness." It is horrible and awful and for a few several times each day, I thought I was dying. During weeks 6 and 7, I woke up at 4am nauseous and praying to God that if He would just help me make it through this without throwing up, I would be so good. I also had these moments around 1pm and then again around 10pm. Despite my efforts to bargain and beg with God, I usually ended up bent over the toilet crying like a baby. I made it to work everyday, usually a few minutes late, but I was there to greet the kids.


I'm hoping this phase passes sooner rather than later. I know that this will be like a hangover and I'll swear to never do this again but when I see that baby for the first time, hold it in my arms and breathe in that distinct baby smell of chamomile and vanilla, these past few weeks will have been a distance memory that wasn't so bad and I'll want to do it all over again.

Chicken Noodle Soup

December 31, 2011

In the past few days I have had a surge of symptoms. Hunger, nausea, heartburn, belly spasms, frequent urination and superhuman smell. Many of these I was already having but contributed it to the cold symptoms and medicinal effects. As you can see my artillery of cold medicine has been enough to take out a small army of elephants.

Yesterday I woke up earlier than normal and had a episode of heartburn and nausea. I have always been the kind that if I woke up too early and too abruptly, it caused me to become nauseous, but this was different. I was starving! Hunger pains that I felt the need to just put something in my stomach. I tried a Newton Thin and it was unappealing. I wanted something hot! We went to Chik-Fil-A and ordered chicken noodle soup. My crave is chicken noodle soup. As I was waiting in line, a man turned around next to me with a tray of waffle fries. I caught a wiff and was immediately disgusted. I guess I will stick to my favorite...Lipton Noodle Soup in the un-smelly comfort of my own home. 

Last night I could not sleep. I was having major anxiety about taking cold medicine so I called the on call physician at my obgyn center. He said sudafed and robitussin and tylenol are okay. I don't understand how they won't sell sudafed from the shelf and require an id but yet it is safe for pregnancy. I have a feeling I am going to be a paranoid pregnant person. I also had to get up at 11pm and eat something. I shoved down two hawaiian rolls. I did not share with the dogs this time. I went back to bed and rested until


This morning was the same. I started with an almond Kashi bar. It tasted and felt like I was chewing on corrugated cardboard. Two bites and in the trash. Then I moved to a cup of mandarine oranges and devoured those. I was still hungry, so I foraged through the fridge and found string cheese. It was enough to keep me satiated for an hour or so.... until I wanted chicken noodle soup.

Pink Lines

December 29, 2011


Christmas was nice and quiet. Uneventful, or so we thought. Other than lying around the house, watching movies, and occasionally going out, we pretty much did nothing. 


I had started getting a head cold Christmas Eve that has me down for the count most of the time. I had been going through the usual routine with a cold. Hot showers, hot liquids, menthol, heating pad around the head, mucinex, vitamin c and zinc and lots of Lipton chicken noodle soup (and yes it has to be Lipton because it has the salty broth that just opens my sinuses.)


I was expecting my "monthly friend" to come calling around Christmas as she usually comes on any significant day of my life making those moments so wonderful(sarcasm) and this time it didn't happen. So I shrugged it off and said tomorrow... and that didn't happen. I did this for about four days until I started to wonder if possibly, maybe, could I be?...no...can't be. But to be safe since I was taking so much medicine, we bought two tests from the pharmacy along with a stock of vicks and mucinex.


Now taking these tests is like watching a gory horror movie. You are pretty sure you know what the outcome will be and you know what is about to happen but you close your eyes to avoid that image being burned in your brain. I avoid taking these tests because I have never had it end the way I wanted. I waited a few hours until it was time to take my medicine for the evening and figured the whole point was to know so I don't take medicine if I am pregnant. So I went in to our bathroom and expected one line. Always just one line. As the little stick rested on the counter a pink line appeared but it seemed to be a little too far to the left than what I remembered. In my brain I was mentally trying to make it move right like I had the power of an Xmen. And then a second line appeared on the right. Two lines? What is this?! My heart was beating 90 to nothing and then stopped. To the side two lines meant "pregnant." I took the stick and set it down and just tried to breath normal for about 5 minutes. When my senses slowly came back I realized I was grinning and laughing. I could hear my poor husband bumbling around in the living room with no idea that I just took this test and no idea what was about to hit him. 

I couldn't decide if I wanted to hide it or run and show him. I felt like I was holding a weapon. It was too late to decide because he came around the corner and I just held the stick up without a word. He looked and said "What is that?...You drew that!" That was not the reaction I was expecting, but ok, so I said "No. I didn't. I just took it." There was some hesitation and disbelief and then he slowly grinned from ear to ear. 


We were pregnant, or at least this test says we are. So we giggled around in disbelief for an hour and finally decided it made sense. I snapped a photo and sent it to our parents and my closest friends just to make sure this was real. Everyone was very excited but I think we were still in shock. How had this happened? We weren't even trying and I wasn't even taking Chlomid yet. So for reassurance that this was not some fluke test, I took another and this time I used the pee in the cup method. I wanted to rule out all possibility of human error. And same result. I was insane expecting something different. Two lines in about 15 seconds. Yes indeed. We are pregnant!

Catching Up

I have not posted in awhile, September to be exact. It's been a crazy three months to say the least. To catch you up here is what happened:


In September I had laparascopic surgery to remove endometrial tissue around my uterus that was causing severe pain and discomfort and possibly hindering our ability to conceive. The made three small holes: one in belly button and two in my lower abdomen right above pubic area. They went in with a camera and laser and removed spots of endometriosis or any adhesion.  It was fairly easy and I had minimal discomfort. About 5 days later I was back to my usual routine (sans heavy lifting) and had a positive outlook that soon we would be pregnant. Doctor M. says most patients are pregnant within 3 months of the procedure. One step closer to baby.


I was excited that soon we would be pregnant and also packing up to head to Georgia for the wedding of one of my dearest friends and my little sister in ZTA, Pam. I was going to quickly fly out for a weekend for her wedding and return for work. I had taken so much time already for doctor's appointments and scans at MDA and then the endometrial ablasion. 


The morning of the wedding I was out and about running errands and checked my voicemail. I had a message from the physician's assistant at MDA stating that they found some growths in my pancreas and I needed to come in for ct scans. My heart sank because this was the news I was not wanting to hear. 


Steve Jobs had just passes away from pancreatic tumors that are similar to the kind caused by MEN1 and that elevated my fear. I had dodged it for so long and now another road block to getting pregnant as well as a possible threat to my life. I continued on that weekend happy for my friend but with a heavy heart wondering what lay around the corner.

I returned and immediately scheduled ct scans of my pancreas. The doctor suggested I not pursue pregnancy until this matter is resolved. They found three tumors less than a centimeter each in the tail of my pancreas. During all these tests and waiting so many things went through my mind. If I have cancer and have to undergo treatment, what will this mean for ever getting pregnant? Would we do an egg retrieval? Could I ever have a safe pregnancy? Is this God's way of telling me I am not meant to be a mother? 


After labs, I met with another endocrinologist that specializes in pancreatic tumors of MEN1 patients. The good news was that these tumors do not seem to be secreting hormones significant to cause alarm right now. For most MEN-ers, these small non-functioning pancreatic tumors are common and since we will spend our lives dealing with them, the best things is to only surgically remove when they are a real problem and learn to just live with them if they are just sitting there.We will monitor them closely and when they do become a problem, then we can discuss surgical options.


I asked him about getting pregnant and he said "Live your life." I think this was the most profound thing I remember throughout this whole ordeal. I was so busy worried about the kind of life I COULD have that I wasn't living the life I had RIGHT NOW. It was like having handcuffs taken off. It was a right to not worry and to not let the "what ifs" stop me. So I went home with a sense of relief and decided to just live my life from now to Christmas not worrying about tumors, cancer, death or even trying to get pregnant. I had enough to worry about on my plate at work and that was sufficient and I was going to enjoy my holiday relaxing.


Relax we did! We didn't do anything. We decided to stay home and not head back to Georgia. We did a little shopping and some things around the house but it was a relatively quiet Christmas. Exactly what we needed!

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Written on August 3, 2011:

Break ups are hard! They hurt. You put your heart and soul into someone (or something) and things are wonderful. You think life can't get any better. Then WHAM! It's over. You don't really understand why. You go over and over in your head the "shoulda's" and "woulda's". You consider all the possibilities to save the relationship. You beg and plead. You cry and find false hope in little shreds that maybe....just maybe things will go back and you can begin to breath again. But they don't. You cry and become depressed, then angry and resentful, then finally you just accept. It is what it is. Time to move on. Things are about to change and you just have to roll with it. I have been going through a long, drawn out breakup, not with one particular person, but with my life as I knew it for the past two years.

Change is inevitable. I usually handle it well, but the latest changes have presented a challenge for me. I had finally settled in to house, made neighbors, secured my place at a job and established friendships all around me. I was comfortable. I loved where I worked and who I worked for. I felt respected and appreciated. My personal life and professional life had merged. My coworkers were my best friends. The same people I saw everyday were the same people my husband and I would hang out with on the weekends. We shared our lives with these people and they equally shared theirs. But suddenly those things were changing and it was completely out of my control. I felt like someone was breaking up with me, and I had done nothing wrong. I had worked hard and given everything. I was heartbroken.

Our district was reallocating positions due to a new campus opening and shifting campus zoning. Our campus was losing positions and since I was more recently hired, I would be one of the first to go. Performance was not a consideration. It was simply based on hire date. I was going to have to move to a new campus about 15 minutes away and change grade levels. I was going to have to learn a whole new campus climate, procedures, and make new friends. I was not happy. I felt like I was being dumped.

Two years ago I found myself married and a month later moved to another state, a new job, and a new circle of friends. My husband had been offered a job transfer within his company from Augusta, Georgia to Houston, Texas. I prayed about the move and knew that it was a fantastic opportunity for my new husband. I wanted to be a supportive wife. I was feeling the need for a change in my employment and saw his offer as an opportunity for myself as well. I was excited and knew this was God's plan for us. I accepted this change whole-heartedly without shedding a tear. If I could accept those changes, those HUGE changes, why has it been so difficult to accept this recent change?

How do I learn to accept this change with a joyful heart? How do I find a way to be positive about the changes in my life and get excited and hopeful about this new job location? I just pray for myself that I can accept these changes because I do believe things happen as God intends them, and I need to just sit back and enjoy the ride because I am not the driver.

Out with the Old, In with the New

The past two weeks have been a challenge. I started a new school year at a new school in a new grade level. We had to learn a new gradebook, a new website hosting program, a new lesson plan system, a new curriculum and a new health insurance policy. Out with the old, familiar way of doing things and in with a new, uncomfortable way. I was balancing all this new stuff with my personal life and health. It's been tough and I wanted nothing new for a long time.

Due to a genetic disorder, Wermer's Syndrome, I have to get regular check ups, lab work, and scans. I had not been to an endocrinologist in over 2 years and that was a not a good idea since the whole basis of treating my condition is regular yearly prevention and maintenance. Since my husband and I are trying to conceive a child, we agreed it would be a good idea for me to go in and have things checked out.

I was so fortunate to have joined a facebook support group for individuals with Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Type 1. I posted a question on the wall seeking a reference for an endocrinologist specializing in MEN1 in the Houston area. I got several responses including one that directed me to a doctor at MDAnderson Cancer Center. To clarify, I do not have cancer, but tumors develop and they are not treated then they can become cancerous and individuals with my condition tend to have a higher cancer risk. Their endocrine department has a team of physicians, physician assistants, and genetic counselors that specialize in this condition and follow over 100 families. I called and scheduled an appointment as soon as possible before our new health insurance policy started.

My appointments were scheduled for 2 days back to back during the first week of school. I protested and begged for any other week or time but it was not possible and you don't exactly blow off MDAnderson when you get an appointment. So I took a day and half off and prepared for them to run tests and tell me it was time for another parathyroidectomy. I've had them removed twice in the last 10 years so why not a third, right

I showed up for my appointments and met with a scheduler. They handed me an itinerary for all my appointments. I looked over it and noticed my appointment times had changed and they added a third day of appointments. My eyes bugged out, and I began to plead my case as a middle school teacher who is already leaving her 8th graders at the mercy of a sub, or vice versa. It did not work, and I realized I had to take it or leave it. I took it. I completed all the first day appointments and headed back to work when I was done and explained I would have to take 3 full days and not just one and a half and begin preparing for the second and third day of lessons for the sub.

After all was said and done, I had an MRI of the thymus gland, pancreas and brain. Blood work to check hormone levels particularly gastrin, insulin, PTH and calcium. And met with doctor and genetic counselor. Everything went well and nothing abnormal appeared.

The hardest part was the appointment with the genetic counselor to discuss my greatest fears and concerns and options. Even thought this was difficult, I left with information and options in regards to children. She shared with me that some couples have gone through Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis of embryos and then in-vitro. Some couples even compiled a report somewhat like a cost analysis that was submitted to insurance to compare the cost if they were to pay for PGD and in-vitro versus having to cover and pay for the treatments of a child with MEN1 until they were 25. She knew of one couple that was successful, so that gave me hope to possible try the same. Not that MEN1 is a death sentence and worst thing ever, but I just would not want my child to worry about this and have the expenses associated with this condition for the rest of their life. It's worth trying.

During this week, I also scheduled my hysteroscopy and HSG procedure in September for us to continue with trying to conceive. If the results turn out that in-vitro is the best option for us, then it will push us toward working with insurance to cover PGD along with in-vitro.

My biggest relief is knowing I do not have another surgery ahead of me. This was something NEW that was actually welcome. I had my last surgery only 5 years after the first procedure. It had been over 5 years since the second, so naturally I had expected it would be the same situation and time to go back in and take out more parathyroid. Now I can relax for a year or so until we perform tests again next year. My focus can be on creating a NEW addition to our family. I guess that's one thing NEW I am looking forward to.